We may fear the thought of losing anyone dear to us. But the truth is, almost all of us—especially those of us over fifty—will lose people close to us. Assuming we live long enough, we will eventually lose our parents and likely, other family members. We may lose friends, spouses, and partners. Loss is inevitable, but it is also part of living.
While loss is part of life, that doesn’t make it easy. As the title of Etta Clark’s 1995 book reminds us, Growing Old Isn’t for Sissies. Losing someone you love can be unquestionably painful. At the same time, losing a loved one may also reinforce the realization that we, too, will eventually be gone.
Dealing with death often forces us to question how anyone can be so full of life at one moment and then gone the next. And, depending on your particular spiritual beliefs, you may wonder if you and your loved ones will inevitably be separated forever.
Legacies that Endure
Regardless of how any of us make sense of death, there is one aspect of our lives than will always continue; each one of us carries a degree of influence from people who are no longer physically present. When we are gone, some of our influence will continue through the lives of others we have touched. This is our enduring legacy.
Embracing Legacies with a Sense of Connection
When I think about the influence others have had in my life, it gives me a greater sense of connection with people I have lost. As The Legacy Project founder, Susan V. Bosak, expresses it, legacy is “an interconnection across time, with a need for those who have come before us and a responsibility to those who come after us.”
Earlier this year, I lost my husband of nearly 24 years. The sense of loss and intense pain cascaded over me for the first few months like a series of tidal waves. It wasn’t until I started expressing gratitude for Claude’s legacy that I could begin to heal.
I am thankful for the fact that Claude was a life-long learner, a passionate educator, a loving person with a big heart, a person of integrity, and a hard worker. He believed in being responsible, doing what he believed was right—even when it wasn’t easy, and taking care of what he owned. I also knew that he truly loved me as I did him—what a gift that was.
The first couple of months after Claude passed, I tried to do some things I thought would honor him, like making sure I took care of his yard the way he would want it. But then, I realized I was no longer tending the yard just for him—the yardwork that had been his pride is now part of my legacy, and I am carrying it forward.
Story-Telling as Legacies
Telling stories about people we have lost is an important way to keep their legacies alive. My late husband, Claude, liked to tell his family about how he grew up on a ranch in Eastern Oregon with no electricity or running water. He wanted his family to know that he learned at a young age about the value of hard work as he contributed to life on his family’s ranch. A few months before he died, he was compelled to tell these stories again and again to anyone who would listen.
Stories that we pass down from generation to generation are an enduring way we can share the legacies of those who have come before us. I feel like my husband is still alive when I share stories about his life. I can imagine that he is smiling as I talk about the man he was while he was here.
Our Legacy, Our Purpose
A 2007 National Library of Medicine study examined the need for older adults to leave a legacy as a means of “passing on the essence of one’s self, and in particular, one’s values and beliefs.”
As I think about moving forward without my husband, I am focused on the legacy I will leave. The legacy that is mine is, in part, one that Claude endowed to me; we are “two branches of the same tree.”
Susan V, Bosak reminds us that “Legacy is fundamental to what it is to be human. Research shows that without a sense of working to create a legacy, adults lose meaning in their life.”
We all need to know that our lives and the lives of those who have gone before us matter. The legacies we share help us make sense of our lives. Our legacies also help us focus on the unique contributions we can make while we are living. I am thankful for the legacies my late husband and others have left for me. My hope is that I can make a difference in the lives of others that will endure over time.
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