When we want others to see and hear us, we have to think about our posture during different encounters. If we slump in our chairs or try to take up as little space as possible, we are signaling insignificance. However, if we sit up straight, relax our arms, and allow ourselves to claim our space, we’re letting others know we are engaged and might have something worthwhile to contribute.
Sitting up straight also makes vocal projection easier. Vocal projection can be difficult for some of us because we were encouraged to be quieter and more ‘ladylike’ when we were growing up. In reality, small, apologetic voices sound uncertain and are easier to discount.
When we walk, it is also useful to think about our posture and how we move. If we stand tall and move with purpose and energy, that is how others will typically see us. If we slump over when we walk or don’t allow our energy to flow, others are more likely to discount us or perceive us as someone who is no longer relevant or engaged.
Creating Presence
Once we start showing our age, many women not only start feeling invisible, they may start acting like they are invisible. Personally, there are times when I am perfectly happy when others don’t see me. For example, if I am in a room full of people and am not feeling particularly social, I can simply relax because no one can ‘see’ me anyway. But when I do want to be noticed, I have to intentionally reveal myself; if I want others to recognize my presence, I might stand erect and plant my feet hip-width apart, taking up some space. I find that when I want to make a statement or even when I want salespeople to notice me, my physical stance does make a difference.
Projecting confidence also helps us become more visible. I have a friend who can command attention in a room like few people I know. She is in her early sixties, tall, slender, and elegant. She walks like a regal queen and often wears flowing scarves. When she speaks, her vocal tone is confident. She projects her voice so that it fills a room. She refuses to be invisible. (Thank you, Ni Aodagain, for being such an excellent role model.)
Walking with confidence signals that we are worth hearing, and it can help break the spell of invisibility. How we choose to dress can also create a sense of presence. I tend to wear strong colors when I want others to see me. If I want to be heard, I think about how I project my voice and how I use my vocal intonations to convey my intent. For example, I don’t lift my voice at the end of sentences as though I am seeking agreement or asking a question. Generally, I also avoid “tag” questions at the end of statements such as, “Don’t you think?”
In her 2012 TED Talk, “Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are,” social psychologist Amy Cuddy shared that using power poses can boost your feelings of confidence and change other people’s perceptions of you as well. As an example, Cuddy describes how doing power posing before interviews can help you feel more assertive.
Some of these poses, such as raising your hands in victory or doing the Wonder Woman pose – feet astride and hands on your hips – are ones we can use prior to meetings or situations where confidence is needed. And let’s face it, all of us could use a boost of confidence at times.
When I have given presentations to unfamiliar groups or have wanted to project confidence in a meeting, I have found that doing power posing (in private) a few minutes before those encounters did make a difference. Sometimes when I power pose, I say to myself, “You’ve got this.”
Note: This post is an excerpt from a manuscript I am completing for my book Refusing to Be Invisible: How Women 50+ Can Challenge Gendered Ageism.